So many friends from so many places over so many years, suddenly all a couple clicks away. Is more really merrier when it comes to the number of "friends" you stay in touch with? Heck, what even constitutes a "friend?" these days ...
AOL Consumer Advisor, Regina Lewis, stopped by WEEKEND TODAY to help shed light on the changing face of social networking and the modern day challenge of "staying in touch" in these fast-paced, cyber-times.Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Boomers on Board
Founded exclusively for college kids, nearly half of all Facebook users are now over 26 years old with women over 55 the fastest growing demographic of all! The majority of Twitter users are 35 & older. The average age on LinkedIn is approximately 40. Even Bebo, known for it's youthful following, has 40% of it's US membership over age 44.
More Not Always Merrier
Turns out, despite our technical capability to keep in constant contact with everyone, our capacity as human beings is somewhat limited & more is not always merrier. Primatologist suggest the size of the human brain allows us to handle stable networks of about 150 [The Dunbar #]. Interestingly, the average # of "friends" on Facebook is 120 ... pretty consistent. BUT, the average # of friends within that network we're able to regularly keep in touch with -- by responding to posts, or leaving comments on photos they may post -- men will do this with only about SEVEN of those 120 friends and women are slightly more sociable, with the number rising to TEN.
The average AIM "Buddy List" is about 100 people long -- also in same realm. There are more than 1.5 billion instant messages sent on that service alone EVERY DAY -- some PC, some PC to cell or smart phones and some from cell to cell. So, some of the social conversations we do have are trending toward shorter, very frequent, real-time exchanges with a core group. Here's the good news ... We're all human beings, so now we can all shed our social guilt and know we're all in the same boat.
Pace Yourself & Build Something Meaningful
There's a tendency to come very fast out of the box ... start a blog, add a million friends to your social networking page, etc. Start by striving for quality not quantity. This can be controversial, but it happens naturally. You can quickly diminish the true value of your social network or buddy list if one day you look at it and wonder, "who are all these people?" (See: Handling a Facebook Request From an Office Random) So, pre-empt that. Doesn't mean they don't get added to your address book (in fact, they get added automatically in many cases) but there's a difference between the two tools.
"Unfriending" someone is little trickier ... The good news is generally they will not be notified. They don't get an email informing them "You got the Cyber-Boot!" They won't figure it out until they seek you out and are not able to. Break-ups is a common scenario in which it may make sense. Otherwise, you can generally play around with the "settings" and phase down your contact with someone, so they remain part of your distant network (like someone you might see at a reunion and say "let's stay in touch!" but -- realistically -- was well intentioned as you both were, it's easier said than done). On buddy list side, you can always IGNORE someone and you can also make yourself invisible, so they are not prompted to IM you, which goes a long way.
There's also a trend and technological innovation going on to allow for multiple "views" of a profile, so certain people can see more than others. Kind of like whether you're invited to the wedding or the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. But, like weddings, those things require mental decisions and grappling a lot of people are torn by.
Again, don't feel torn ... it's everyone's issue and it sorts itself out if you develop your own rhythm and style that works for you. People will adjust accordingly.
Create a Sustainable Routine
In many ways it's helpful for YOU and for other PEOPLE. Make sure you keep your overall online time in check and that -- in total -- it's not disruptive to your in-person relationships (i.e., are yor Facebook friends getting more attention that your spouse?). Women -- in particular -- worry a delayed reply may hurt someone's feelings or being misunderstood and spark speculation as they often do (i.e., "is she mad at me?"). We've all been there, but often it's a function of a false-sense of urgency and artificial deadlines we impose on ourselves and others.
And -- remember -- any sustainable routine has conscious breaks.
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Comments
Hello Regina! I would be very much interested in hearing more from you on this topic especially concerning jobs and how people made contact with other people to help make those connections in job searches...Janet from Atlanta